Santa Or Saviour? You Decide!

I imagine Noel Edmonds shouting this on a Channel 4 game-show in some alternate reality, an alternate reality where I had become the dark overlord of the United Kingdom. This is a world where Christmas would be banned in the U.K. at least.

Instead the populate would be made to prey to me, to feed my delusions of grandeur, the heads of the Top Gear team would be on sticks at the front of my palace, and my best friends would be Sylvester Stallone and Jean Claude Van Damme. The Queen's message would be replaced by the annual showing of Rambo II (and to make a change on a leap year it would be Con Air).

I would be married to Liv Tyler and we would have genetically enhanced children that would be trained in deadly martial arts and would star in the bi-annual Universal Soldier sequel. As a consequence we would be on Universal Soldier 23, since I would have taken the throne at 18 years old.

A friend of mine and I were shopping. I required some new trainers, because when you can start feeling the pavement through the sole, and you have half a shoelace on each foot it is time to get a new pair. After dodging the dawdlers, we tried to make it across Bournemouth Square uninterrupted but we failed, my friend was handed this,

Santa or Savior contains 5 reason why one should turn our attention to Jesus instead of Santa Claus. This is a publication from Open-Air Mission.

It begin with this,

If you were asked "Who takes centre stage at Christmas?", you might be forgiven for answering, "Santa!"

(Before I rip the statement apart, I will commend them for spelling centre the correct way and not the American way) It then continues to remind me who Santa is, according to tradition he is an old man that breaks into everyone house on Christmas Eve that has Children and who are celebrating Christmas, this makes his job easier since he doesn't have to visit the middle and far east. He then sneaks into Children's bedroom and leaves a gift ... doesn't sound like a sex offender at all.

What the author of this Christian propaganda (and waste of trees) hasn't realised is that Christmas gives most people in this country a fews days off where it is socially acceptable to drink booze before 11am in the morning (without resorting to hiding it around the house), eat a whole packet of Pringles and Quality Streets without guilt until you feel sick or go into a diabetic coma.